Tryin' to be a Mommy

Find soulmate: check. Get engaged: check. Wedding: check. Start a family: work in progress!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Welcome to my new crib!

Come on over, take a load off!

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Moving Around

So, I am going to be moving my blog to a different pseudonym, where I will be able to post more. This blog was created to be a sort of journal of my pregnancy and motherhood. Things have changed people. It looks as though it might be a little bit longer before we starting trying to have a baby. Once we are pregnant, I will start this puppy back up again, but it serves no purpose really at this time, other then to rub salt in a wound.

There are a lot of different factors that went into deciding this, one is that my husband is not happy at his job, and is looking to go somewhere else. Since I had left my job, this could potentially be a sticky situation if he can't find another job that pays as well as his current one does. I decided to go back to work while he figures out what to do with his life, so that we can add more to our nest/emergency egg.

Another factor is our health. I was raised by a very healthy/organic/herbal remedy mother. The past few years, those eating habits went OUT the window and I fell off the healthy band wagon. The two of us decided that we want to correct all those eating habits and return the lifestyle I was raised with, before we have a family. That way we can pass those habits down to our children.

The last reason is quite frankly, I don't think my husband is ready yet. He loves children and wants to have his own, but he's not quite there yet. Our last pregnancy was rough on both of us and I think it scarred him a little. We both decided to wait a few more months, just to have all these other things in our life ironed out first, and to enjoy a little more us time.

It's been sad for me and a little hard to come to terms with, but I'm doing ok now. I think this will be good for us, and it helps teach me patience. So, as soon as I have my new blog up and going, I will post it here for all to find!

Saturday, June 10, 2006

The in-laws in my life

Today was a fun day, my mother in law got remarried! It was a very quick courtship and engagement, so the family is reeling a little, but I am so happy for her. I know a lot of people have horror stories of their in-laws, esp MIL, but I have to say I don't have that problem. She has got to be one of the most loving, selfless people who will do just about anything for anyone. My husband and I got engaged before any of his family really even knew me, or knew we were dating, and she was the first one to really open up her heart to me and treat me just like one of her own daughters. As no one in our families know I have a blog yet (I'm still deciding on what to do about this, I'm leaning towards having another blog until I do get pregnant and am ready for them to know), I can shamelessly profuse my love for this wonderful woman and her children. There can be drama in the family, just like any other normal family, but they all really are wonderful people. The oldest daughter has been like a mother to a lot of the other siblings and her hubby like a dad, and I admire them for their humour in all of the many, many trials in their life. She has 4 wonderful boys who my husband treats like little brothers, and an absolute angel of a daughter. The second oldest sibling, a son and his wife, I unfortunatly don't know well, because they moved away shortly after our engagement. The third oldest son and his wife amaze me at how they are able to juggle their family and professional lives. They both work full time, and have 4 children and they a wonderfully loving family. The fourth child, rounding out the older 4, lives out of state with her husband and family, hence I don't know her as well either. I have to say though, out of all of the kids, I really admire how she has changed her life and the person she is. She reminds me so much of me in so many ways, in the struggles we've had. After her, my MIL and hubby #1 got divorced. She remarried a little bit later and had 4 more children. The oldest of the four is a great guy and I love his wife to death. He is so, so, so smart, his knowledge on so many things amazes me. I got to know them the best, because I lived with them for the duration of our engagement. She is someone I consider a good friend and I adore her young boys. The second of the younger 4 moved out of state last year, but I got to know her the first year we were married. I think she and her hubby are so wonderful, because when you talk with them , they really listen and always care about what you have to say. I've always admired her spirtual side and shoot, she has great taste in clothes too! Then there is my hubby and then the baby of the family. Now, he and I didn't have such a great beginning, there was a little bit of drama, but I think it's all water under the bridge. I think he is a really, really funny guy. He wrote a journal of when he went to visit their dad last year, and it was so hilarious I thought I was going to be sick from laughing so much. He really is a riot, and he loves all of his neices and nephews so much.

So, those are my in laws, and I just wanted to write a little something about them, because I really do love them and am so glad to have them in my life. I have to say, my MIL really is an incredible woman who has had struggles and many sacrafices in her life, so she deserves every bit of happiness and joy that comes her way. I love that she is more like a second mother to me then an in-law, and that she is also someone who is a good friend to me. I love her so much.

Whew, I'm glad they don't know about this blog, I would die of embarrassment. I am not overly affectionate with them, that's not really me, so this would make me want to hide :-) I think the wedding today and getting to see a lot of the family today made me a little emotional. I'm just so happy for her and the newest member of our family!

Thursday, June 08, 2006

I am BACK!

Ok, well, I've been back in Utah for a few weeks now, things have just been SO crazy, I haven't had time to post. Obviously, I did not die in a plane crash going to Florida, and I survived over a month with my family! It was great/tiring/too long away from hubby. This is what I learned from the trip:
-I have gotten used to the quiet that comes with just the two of us at home. I had to get in my car and just drive around whatever random town we stopped at in the evenings just to have some quiet time.
-Even though I am a bit of an urbanite, I have fallen in love with Tennessee. My parents bought land in the middle of pretty much nowhere, and it is GORGEOUS.
-Colorado is beautiful, but I will never drive through there again. Driving through the mountains is just too stressful.
-Colorado drivers are insane and rude (sorry, this might be biased, but I had REALLY bad experiences with them driving through there).
-Almost getting in a huge accident because of said bad drivers while going DOWN a steep mountain, THAT made my day
-It is possible to get poison ivy even if you never go NEAR woods or even outside for that matter.
-It is also possible to dislocate your middle finger, WHILE SLEEPING.
-Driving across country is extremely stressful to a germaphobe like myself.
-You will go through a HUGE bottle of hand sanitizer and tons of hand wipes.
-Not being able to read blogs for a whole month was painful.
-Also not being able to catch up on all my favorite online gossip rags sucked.

Suprisingly, there wasn't too many crazy things that happened to me. There were some crazy funny things that happened, but it's too early in the morning to even try to remember them!
So, for now I am going to crawl back to bed and sleep for another 8 hours!

Friday, April 21, 2006

This just sucks

I just realised I am going to be out of town during baby making time. Crap. Sigh, that means another month of waiting. And yes, I will still take a pregnancy test two days before my period, because I am that pathetic.

To My Non-Existing Peeps

I am going out of town. I will be gone for 3 weeks on a cross country road trip. Why, you, my invisible bloggers ask? Well, my car died a few monthes ago, and my dear other half and I have been sharing one car. When I say share, I mean he drives me every where, because his car is a stick, and I have no clue how to drive one. Now, we've been lucky, since I have been home for about a month and half, supposidly working on my medical transcription. We haven't had to worry about juggling going to 2 different jobs since I quit my well paying job in March. (The job rocked, but when you have a multi personailty boss who treats you like a dog, I'm outta there) But, I fear my schooling is going to take longer then we thought, so I am thinking of trying to pick up a part time job. So, this brings in my road trip. My folks, who live in Florida, are willing to sell me one of their cars for pennies. They are going out to South Dakota for the summer (for work). So, I am flying down to Florida, then I will travel with them to South Dakota and then drive back to Utah from there.
Now, I can't wait to see my family, but there's this little problem. I hate flying. I hate it as a "when I get on the plane I hyperventilate" type hate. I fear flying more then I fear not being able to see the bottom in a body of water. Last time I flew, I had my then fiancee there to hold my hand and rub my back. I am going alone this time. I am freaking out, I haven't slept in two nights, thinking of me being stuck in that plane. I wanted drugs, something to knock me out till I land in Florida, but I have a connecting flight to make, and if I'm drugged, I will very well miss that connecting flight. Plus, I started thinking that if something DID happen in the plane, being drugged probably wouldn't help me react smartly. So, here I am, freaking out, and nothing to help fix it. Oy vey.
So, WHEN I land in Florida (please note I am trying to be postitive here) and we start the road trip across country, I will try to post on here, as I know crazy, unbelievable things are likely going to happen to me. Not that anyone will be reading them, but hey, it gives me something to do other then call my hubby 10 times a day. (This will be the first time we are away from each other more then 2 days :-( )
I look forward to a frantic night tonight, trying to pack last minute for a flight that leaves first thing tomorrow morning. Hey, I love to procrastinate, I've got it down to a science!
Is it pathetic that I post on a blog, when no one even knows the blog exsists? Maybe just a little you say? I can handle that!

I wanted to share this blog with family that is scattered around the world, since I am so bad at corresponding, so that they knew what was up with the queen of disasters. The more I think about it, the more I'm loathe to share with them when I AM pregnant, until I am way past the danger point. If I had any fellow blogging friends, it would be a little different, I could use their support. For some reason, I don't want my family to know too soon, and then I would have to tell them if I lost another baby. When that happened the first time, it was harder telling them then it was people I knew from church, why is that? So, we'll see what I end up doing with this blog.

While I'm sitting here blogging to an unread blog (does that even make SENSE!?) , do you ever feel like the new kid in the virtual world? I mean, I'm hooked on blogs. Shoot, a year ago I didn't even know what a blog WAS, and now, I have to check up on them on a daily basis. But a lot of the blogs seem to be a close knit group, who have been posting on each other's blogs for a while now. I feel a little like the new kid in school, who tentivley opens her mouth to speak in a group of girls who already know each other and are close. Posting on someone's blog terrifies me, because of fear of rejection. Isn't it funny that you can feel the same in the virtual world the same as you do in the real world? There is one blog, that I tend to think of as an ALPHA blog, because it is through her that I found other blogs, and seems to be the most popular. I admire this woman and have read her blog for like 4 monthes before I had the nerve to open my virtual mouth and say hi. It's a little like going up to the most popular girl at school and saying hi, atleast for me it feels like that. I just wondered if anyone else ever felt like that, but, seeing as no one knows about this blog, this shall remain an unanswered question!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006



Hey ya'll! Let me introduce myself to anyone other then family who might stumble across this site. I'm Jess and I have decided after a lot of thinking to start a blog of my own. I've loved reading others blogs, and though I am in no way as funny or eloquent or entertaining as others, I decided to give it a whirl. As the title states, I want to be a mom. Hubby and I are working on getting pregnant (and what fun!) and I wanted to just have an outlet to post how that ends up working out for us. We have been pregnant before, but lost the baby. I might post that story sometime. Those who know me, yes, that is a 2 year old picture of myself above. Why? Well, we have no other pictures on the computer and I have some how lost our digital camera. When I get a new one or figure out how to post pictures from my phone, they will be posted. So for now, everyone gets to see me 2 years younger.

Well, just wanted to say hi and to anyone who actually READS this, welcome and enjoy!